From the moment we are born, society offers a constant stream of ideals and beliefs that will help shape who we are as women and defines the roles we will play. We are often told that our job is to put everyone first, that this is what loving people is and with our huge capacity to love we take this ideal on and use the pictures it conjures of how we should be to measure if we are enough and if we are doing a good job.
Initially giving ourselves over to being there for everyone else first is fulfilling. We spend our day looking for signs that what we do is pleasing to people, we use their happiness and smiles of thanks to fill us up. The thing is, this way of being is not sustainable and it isn’t long before we feel tired and exhausted. We may begin to notice that what use to fill us up and make us feel good about ourselves no longer works; our body begins to signal we are running on empty. Most of the time we don’t heed the call to stop and consider if there is another way to be. The pattern of doing is so ingrained that we keep pushing ourselves to give, to be all things to all people. In this we dismiss how we truly feel because our worth is wrapped up in what we can do for people and a belief that as women it is our job to solider on and be the one that is dependable.
This way of being may continue but if we are honest in our quiet moments, we will feel how dissatisfied we are and that something is not right. We may begin to feel that we have nothing in our life that is just for us, that fills us or makes us feel complete. We may begin to search for an activity that ignites a spark in us again, this may be difficult though because we are so disconnected from our needs that nothing seems to fit. Or if it does it distracts us only for a while until we feel that sense of unease again, that something is just not right. What we don’t realise at the time is that searching for something to do to fill us up is just the same as giving to everyone constantly, it is still putting the outside first and is not sustainable.
So, is there another way? As expressed earlier, women have a huge capacity to love (as do men) but from early on we are encouraged to believe that love is about doing and making it all about other people. What if one of the missing pieces to feeling full again was to understand that love is who you are, and it is not a doing. Love is your inner most core and through connection to this beauty, the true you, you get to feel you are complete, you are full - goodbye emptiness :)
In this connection comes great wisdom, understanding, observation and awareness of what is needed for you to truly care for yourself. You begin to realise that you are an equal part of your life and when you choose connection first the love within you naturally expands, so you keep filling up from the inside. What transpires through this way of being is that you feel so full, overflowing in fact that you want to share this love with others, and you should, for this is a most natural way of being. So, from this place of connection when you do things for others, you do it from fullness, there is no need in you, your worth is based on connection to your inner most core not how much you do.
If this way of being continues to be lived, a beautiful cycle begins ~ you love yourself and then express love out, more love comes into your body through this expression, so then you have more love to express, you express more love, you receive more love, you express more love and so on as this forever expanding cycle continues.
This way of life is not some airy-fairy way of being. It is real and practical and while it requires a process of development it is available and accessible to each and every woman and is our most natural way to be. Love is who you are, each and every woman deserves to know this and to live it in full.